Am All I Could Have Been

by Mx FM

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about

Am All I Could Have Been is the latest effort from producer PJ Rork. After feeling that their stint as Half Truth had been played out, Rork took up the moniker of Mx FM. This project became an outlet for Rork to write more personal and honest vocal pieces. Am All I Could Have Been is the first release from Rork that uses original lyrics, and the album covers topics such as depression, gender dysphoria, participating in society as a transgender individual, family relationships, and self-discovery.

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released March 10, 2017

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UNKNOWN GIZA Chicago, Illinois

INTERNET-BASED ARTIST COLLECTIVE

UNIQUE MUSIC AND ORIGINAL ART

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Track Name: Depression
It's hard to see the point in anything
It's hard to wake up some days
It's hard to feel uninspired and washed out
It's hard to feel afraid

It’s hard to feel like your body ain’t right
It’s hard to feel ugly

It’s hard to feed yourself three times a day
It’s hard to go hungry

It’s hard to be around anybody else
It’s hard to talk to me
It’s hard to live when nothing feels right
It’s so damn hard to be
Track Name: Complacency
Pick one or the other
Depression or ignorance
That’s what we’re forced to follow
That’s what we’ve been convinced

Well, the firing squad is aimed at your heart
You’ve accepted your fate
You’ve turned to complacency

Nodding on in that day to day

Every time’s the same
Welcome to complacency

"Why even try?" is the song that’s sung
It’s the modern tongue
It’s the hymn of complacency
Acedia’s at its highest high
Kiss yourself goodbye and embrace complacency
Track Name: Um, Hi
Social Interaction
Might be a good distraction
I’m no good to myself, I do admit

They’re a stranger
But you’re stranger than them
How do I articulate that we can be friends?
This is going nowhere
Why did I go out again?

Morning, 
I wake up
Put on my make up
Armor for arrows
A cause that we take up
Why do I catch you staring
Like I’m something from a nightmare?

I’m just being myself



Forming opinions without even talking to me
We wonder why you retaliate with such hostility

It’s things like this that make me stay inside

It’s things like this that make us wonder why we even tried

We’re coming out whether you like it or not

What’s the price for humanity?
I know I’m an "anomaly" but get over yourself or stay away from me

Social Interaction
Might be a good distraction
I’m no good to myself, I do admit

They’re a stranger
But you’re stranger than them
How do I articulate that we can be friends?
This is going nowhere
Why did I go out again?
Track Name: Black Gems
I know you're thinkin' bout the places that you've gotta be
I know you're faded and I know you took a chance with me
But just think about the tryst we made
Be my dark magic renegade

Our cosmic births calcified our destiny
Emulsified in a star-crossed symmetry
We careened toward an earthly life,
But we're immune to mortal strife

They sealed our souls in
Black gems


You fool
There is stardust
Holding out its hand to us

It can take you where you want to go
Far off planets blanketed in snow
My dear why won't you give life a try?

Corporeal bodies are holding us back
Social conventions have set their attack
Stifle your cries, look out with new eyes,
And be the person you were born to be

Summon your courage and take up your words
Fight in a battle that can't be won with swords
Your mind understands, it's all in our plans
This is how things have to be

They sealed our souls in
Black gems
Track Name: Dead Name
Mother, dear, I love you

I’m still the child that you rose
And it’s not for your attention
That my heart is in repose

I’m sure you have your reasons 

For giving me the name you chose

But it’s not mine



I know it’s quite confusing

It’s been for me as well

And toxic masculinity 
Is making my own hell

This ill-fitting identity 

Has made a decent shell

But it’s not mine

I changed my name to something new 

I’m an empty boy, it has no use

Changed my name to clear my head

No sense surviving what’s been dead

I’m an empty boy but my heart’s still beating

Empty boy but my heart’s still beating

Empty boy but my heart’s still beating

Empty boy but my heart’s still beating loud



Father you’ve moved on now
And I miss you every day

I’m glad I got to tell you
That my heart was in dismay

I’m happy you died knowing
That I’m living my own way

And it’s just fine

Our parents give us names to suit
What they think fits us best

But sometimes there are children

Who are not who they had guessed
Just give your understanding
You all will do your best
In your own time



We changed our names to something new

We’re empty kids and not like you

We changed our names to clear our heads

No sense surviving what’s been dead

We’re happy now with our hearts still beating

Happy now with our hearts still beating

Happy now with our hearts still beating

We’re happy now with our hearts still beating
Loud